


your shadow (it still stays with me)

by atmospherical



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, First Love, allison argent is a warrior queen, scallison lives on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 11:59:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1346659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atmospherical/pseuds/atmospherical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he could almost feel the taste of her lips against his for one last time. almost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your shadow (it still stays with me)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: the aftermath of season 3, ep 23 so yeah, spoiler hint there! also, PREPARE YOUR FEELINGS.

scott was shaking, so terribly he felt himself slowly sinking to the ground, blurry sight and cold feet he could barely see make up his own reflection from the mirror. there was a boy staring back from behind the glossy glass barrier, red eyes gleaming in frustration between broken shards where pieces of his heart lies, grief that hissed like python crawling beneath his skin, tickling and triggering.

_i'm alright, i'm alright_

he whispered (to no one, to the air, to himself) and murmured, a mantra in distress he closed his eyes and prayed for it to work, to ease the pain, the third degree burn clawing the insides of his stomach. 

_i'm alright._

scott gripped the edge of the sink, almost losing his balance and close to falling (apart), cheek on dirty ceramic and hand printed against it he tried to distract himself from the sound of agony laughing at the back of his head. like a boy in denial of love, scott averted his attention from the mirror ( _let me run, let me run, let me run for a little while_ ) and thought about all the silly jokes he and stiles would come up with in regards to derek's awfully plain and boring loft or all the stupid sarcasm his best friend used to throw back when everything was still finely structured ( _back when beacon hills was just beacon hills and scott was just a freshman harboring stupid teenage crush on the new girl--_ )

there was fire in his throat and it's killing him senseless. 

the alpha closed his eyes and placed a knuckle to where his heart sleeps. _still pumping, still feeling_ but the thought of his own beating chest was so tremendously loud scott felt the fault in it--

his fault.

-

_(i'm sorry)_

scott looked at his hands, noticed how sweaty they have turned. they weren't pale, no (because wolves are warm and alive, not dead and cold) but that-- that ~~was~~ is a disappointment in itself.

_(i'm sorry)_

funny though, he thought, how derek told him that wolves are better than humans when it comes to body temperature, that wolves were born warm and are _meant to be_ warm.

yet, scott felt like he's going to die out of chill anytime soon.

_(i'm sorry)_

he could still feel her body in his arms, could still feel the scent of her aura when he held her, could still hear the melody of her voice when he leaned in closer, three words of truth and everlasting confession beating in his mind--

_i love you, i love you, i love you, iloveyouscott_

scott bit his lip and heaved a sigh, realizing how heavy and severe this feeling was. his mother once told him that love is everywhere, that heartbreaks come and go and lovers stay and leave; his mother, his dearest mother who always, _always_ know the right thing to say.

his mother who had apologized _(oh scott, i'm sorry-- i'm sorry)_ the moment she heard about what had happened. why did she even apologize? why was she the one apologizing?

scott wouldn't know.

(he doesn't know anything. he doesn't understand anything)

-

chris argent gave him an apologetic look. her father had gave him a _goddamn_ apologetic look. _hell_ , scott needed no apology (not from chris, not from lydia, not from anyone); in fact, he _should_ be the one saying _sorry, mister argent, i'm sorry i couldn't save her and i'm sorry, i'm so sorry--_

he should have carved his apology on her tombstone and cried rivers for her remains, should have screamed and threw himself off the ground for not helping, for not offering her an escape route, for not trying hard enough (to be better, to be the alpha he should have been).

and he knew it wasn't because he couldn't save her. he could. but he _didn't._ _and that's where he did wrong._

-

when scott closed his eyes, he saw her in his mind; brown locks and fierce eyes, a bow and arrow in hand she held her determination close it made him smile a little. 

_(scott, i love you)_

he heard her voice and she was _so_ real he could almost feel her standing there, with her arms around his waist and her lips inches away from his it felt like everything was reverted back to normal, like he was just lame old scott who wanted nothing but to impress newbie allison argent by trying a little too hard, falling face first on the field during lacrosse practice. it was so beautiful and perfect and scott could almost feel the taste of her lips against his--

_(i love you)_

_(i know)_

except, the moment he opened his eyes, they dispersed into thin air and he was left standing in the loft's dirty bathroom with hollow eyes and a giant hole in his heart.

-

allison was brave and she will always be brave, from the very beginning to the end and like an old record left misplaced, he will always be in love with her _(from the very beginning to the end)_.

_i love you, i love you, iloveyouallison (and i'm sorry)_

the bathroom begged for silence as scott let the guilt walked through in between short breath and falling tears. 

he was losing and he's losing fast but that won't even matter now, would it? 

(because he doesn't ~~want to~~ understand anything anymore)

and if it's alright with the world, scott would ask for just a temporary moment of relief so he has the place and time to make amend, to _just be a normal boy for one last time._

**Author's Note:**

> P.S: I'm so pissed at jeff davis right now I feel like ripping his skin apart. just kidding (or not).


End file.
